What do you do when your love fades?
When there’s a greasy film over thing and everyone?
The mirror’s face is not my own. How long have I had the scars? These creases creaking around my lids?
My mouth is empty and without my teeth, my tongues lolls out.
Truth streams forth.
Flecks of saliva permeate the atmosphere. All greasy with truth unwanted.
I loved myself in my youth.
Not because it was simple but because I was too polite to cause a scene.
I was all peppermint and rose quartz.
Now the truth is a darling friend that you can’t wait to evict after 2 am.
Now I am obsidian. Only able to cut you with the truth.
No one really wants the truth .
Just greasy and heavy and lonely.
Self love fades and is replaced by a withered face, savage tongue.
Truth has now replaced love.
Love is silly anyway, replaced by the sticky truth that clings to air. Humid, sticky air.
When self love fades, you won’t notice til you speak and smell the acrid, greasiness of truth stings your eyes.
The best thing about shadows
Is that it means the sun is back
And it’s like it never left
To begin with
Why be happy when I can question every syllable that slips out between those soft lips?
You only love me when you lose a few brain cells.
You lips search for mine when that crisp ale finds yours
You speak of love and the future
But neglect me once your vision clears
Abandoned, I look for excuses.
Alone yet again I curse love, I curse the gods old and new.
I hate your voice
I hate your scent
I hate your hair and how perfectly it falls.
I hate I hate I hate
I hate that you only love me when you’re drunk
I hate that I fall for it every time
One day I’ll stop crying
And you’ll come around
With your beer-soaked brain preaching your false gospel of love
And I’ll laugh.
These spirits won’t lead my love deprived heart off that cliff anymore
Until then, drink up
I’ll have whatever you’re having.
I’ve been told that I’m difficult and I don’t really understand what that means so I asked someone I very briefly dated.
He said ‘yes. you are’
Fuckkkk it hurt so much. Like an icicle to the fucking heart. My insides churning. Tears instantly streaming down my face.
I’m difficult? How can this be? Who let it go on for this long?
How can this be how I’m seen? I see myself as honest and sometimes blunt. I speak the truth; my truth.
I want to be accepted the way I’d accept anyone else who is their true self.
I know I’m naive, gullible and get taken for granted but dammit I’m just ME.
Take it or leave it
Take it, please.
You can put yourself out there all you want to but people suck. They’re only going to tell you what you want to hear until they get what they want. I can be okay on my own, right?
How can I tell someone I’m feeling blue and manic all at once without ruining their day worrying about me or have them walk on eggshells around me?