I have an obsessive personality. I don’t know other people who are bipolar so… beats me if this is normal or not. Addiction runs in my family (drugs and alcohol) but with me, it can be anything. Snapchat for example. I downloaded it and I compulsively check it every few minutes to see if there are any updates. It interrupts my life. And it isn’t just that that. This can happen with anything or even anyone. Someone will become so important to me but I don’t even know them. I’m an attractive woman and in a committed relationship but I want the attention. Men, women, likes, comments. It can be exhausting to be honest. This weekend I’ll see if I can put my phone away for a bit.
Blurred and spiraling downward.
I’m falling into the sky.
Hanging onto a dream with a wish.
No actions or drive necessary.
Gravity pulling me skyward.
Have I always been afraid to fly?
However long it takes,
Until the end to
Mean something to myself.
How easy would life be if post-its were found, on their own, on the bathroom mirror? I write notes to myself (such as that one there) or cutsie ones to my boyfriend and little ones. But a message to myself seems counter productive. “Don’t be crazy” ….writes self a message. I can only laugh. This is my screen saver/background on my iPhone and for good reason. I’ve been swinging up and down so much I’m pushing away the man I love most. Not that I love many men (if any) but he’s supportive and I’m pretty unstable. I wouldn’t be where I am today if not for him. I’m getting the treatment I need and writing myself little notes as a reminder that it’s pretty easy to go crazy. So, pero like, don’t be crazy
A sprinkling of stars. A smattering of kisses. She was loved once. Properly. There were flowers and kisses. Love was wine and poured freely. She was constantly drunk on the notion. The well runs dry and she is parched. What is she now? A cactus. Retaining what little moisture she can until the great rain falls on her head again. Spiny and coarse she hides herself well. If only for the moment. With sharp spines on her tongue, how is she to chant and bring the rainfall?