Eff this ess

I’m just going rant:

Relationships SUCK!

You’re supposed to put your trust in another human being who has as many issues, if not more, than you do? Stupid. We’re human- we make mistakes and then try to act like the calendar is supposed to mark when you move on? I torture myself all the time. I have too many thoughts in my head and too little self-respect. What the actual fuck is wrong with us? And then we want to marry and make babies?! What nonsense is this? There’s no one to trust when you can barely trust yourself to keep it together. My life is falling apart. People aren’t who they seem to be. I’m so full of rage and idk what to do. When I turned it inward, I woke up with a massive headache. I’m confused. I want so much to believe in love but I can’t do this anymore. I’m to the point where to be alone doesn’t sound as scary as it did a week ago.  

M.V

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Passing the time

Where do I go from here?

Am I yours to only pass the time?

Waiting for your true love

While I sit alone with your shadow. 

Chest heaves, my heart aches,

My limbs are numb. 

Your voice an echo of past hurts

Softly lying to me. 

Do I stay? Do I run?

I want to sink into the ocean. 

The dull roar of waves above my head. 

Darkness cradling me;

Lulling me to sleep. 

But your voice is still with me. 

I’m in hell and you’re my guide. 

All while waiting for your love

And you’re killing me while you wait. 

M.V

Hollow

It’s all over

Her hand full of tiny promises.

Promises of silence.

Her glass of wine washes them down.

Still feeling hollow she drinks more

and falls asleep.

Tears fall from her eyes when she

realizes she is awake and has only

a pounding headache to remind her that

promises are always broken.

M.V

Morning sickness

I’m sick

There’s this small, alien feeling working it’s way into my brain. 

It dies and it’s putrid little body festers, stinking up my thoughts

It’s cancerous. Spoiling positive thinking

Killing the “love” receptors in my brain. 

I’m queasy and old. Lost and abandoned

The only thing keeping me going is that the universe makes the sun set and stars come out 

Their cold beauty nurturing something in my heart. 

I do still have a heart, don’t I?

I feel it thump to life in your presence. 

I feel excitement and anger. 

But the poison is spreading 

And I’m sorry

M.V