Who am I to believe in true love when I’ve never seen an example of it in true life?
When had a fairytale romance played before me so that I may lust after a similar reprise in my favor?
Short answer: never.
I am alone and this is my fairytale.
One where I am the villain destined to be alone.
The chatter is loud
With long fingers
That peel my eyelids open
That force me to watch
An imaginary scene
Play before me
Atoms so small they might have well
Dried they fall rather quickly.
Stomped beneath the feet of passersby.
None of who knew that they were once a symbol for love.
Dried husks of affection.
Nothing more than aged vegetation scattered down dirty streets.
Even nesting birds ignore the rubbish.
But I swear, I was once adored.
My petals fragrant, jewel-toned and the texture of velvet on skin.
Not a memory anymore.
Now a nuisance the wind blew up into your face.
Why be happy when I can question every syllable that slips out between those soft lips?
You only love me when you lose a few brain cells.
You lips search for mine when that crisp ale finds yours
You speak of love and the future
But neglect me once your vision clears
Abandoned, I look for excuses.
Alone yet again I curse love, I curse the gods old and new.
I hate your voice
I hate your scent
I hate your hair and how perfectly it falls.
I hate I hate I hate
I hate that you only love me when you’re drunk
I hate that I fall for it every time
One day I’ll stop crying
And you’ll come around
With your beer-soaked brain preaching your false gospel of love
And I’ll laugh.
These spirits won’t lead my love deprived heart off that cliff anymore
Until then, drink up
I’ll have whatever you’re having.
What do you do when your love fades?
When there’s a greasy film over thing and everyone?
The mirror’s face is not my own. How long have I had the scars? These creases creaking around my lids?
My mouth is empty and without my teeth, my tongues lolls out.
Truth streams forth.
Flecks of saliva permeate the atmosphere. All greasy with truth unwanted.
I loved myself in my youth.
Not because it was simple but because I was too polite to cause a scene.
I was all peppermint and rose quartz.
Now the truth is a darling friend that you can’t wait to evict after 2 am.
Now I am obsidian. Only able to cut you with the truth.
No one really wants the truth .
Just greasy and heavy and lonely.
Self love fades and is replaced by a withered face, savage tongue.
Truth has now replaced love.
Love is silly anyway, replaced by the sticky truth that clings to air. Humid, sticky air.
When self love fades, you won’t notice til you speak and smell the acrid, greasiness of truth stings your eyes.