Wanderer

You don’t love?

Are you blind?

I’m a star burning brilliantly after all

You don’t love me?

I’ve been here for you but I don’t matter now that new opportunities shine on your bleak horizon. 

We don’t fit?

I am the missing jigsaw piece of your heart. 

You love me?

But you want to leave when we could have it all. 

I am desolate but always full of hope. I will be fine. You will always be a wanderer. 

Unloveable 

I write this with tears falling from my eyes. How clich√©? I write this with clarity. Knowing full well that I am unloveable. I ruin all of my relationships. What am I afraid of? Or perhaps I’m just living proof that love is not real. It truly is a word soaked in honey to attract flies. I’m a fly in the spider’s den. I am alone. Only a drop of paint in the great mosaic of love’s canvas? Really? Is this it? I am never a great love only a footnote. A lesson learned by our great protagonist. Crying changes nothing. Another drop in the endless sea of sorrow, lost hope, depression. I thought I loved but it was only fancy. I thought I was adored but was only a receptacle for what was unwanted. I want to say that I will be strong and perhaps one day I could be. But right now? I drown. I drown and sink. I am through fighting. 

M.V

Passing the time

Where do I go from here?

Am I yours to only pass the time?

Waiting for your true love

While I sit alone with your shadow. 

Chest heaves, my heart aches,

My limbs are numb. 

Your voice an echo of past hurts

Softly lying to me. 

Do I stay? Do I run?

I want to sink into the ocean. 

The dull roar of waves above my head. 

Darkness cradling me;

Lulling me to sleep. 

But your voice is still with me. 

I’m in hell and you’re my guide. 

All while waiting for your love

And you’re killing me while you wait. 

M.V

Hollow

It’s all over

Her hand full of tiny promises.

Promises of silence.

Her glass of wine washes them down.

Still feeling hollow she drinks more

and falls asleep.

Tears fall from her eyes when she

realizes she is awake and has only

a pounding headache to remind her that

promises are always broken.

M.V

Morning sickness

I’m sick

There’s this small, alien feeling working it’s way into my brain. 

It dies and it’s putrid little body festers, stinking up my thoughts

It’s cancerous. Spoiling positive thinking

Killing the “love” receptors in my brain. 

I’m queasy and old. Lost and abandoned

The only thing keeping me going is that the universe makes the sun set and stars come out 

Their cold beauty nurturing something in my heart. 

I do still have a heart, don’t I?

I feel it thump to life in your presence. 

I feel excitement and anger. 

But the poison is spreading 

And I’m sorry

M.V

Empty stars

Here I am talking to dead stars

They may twinkle in their inky abyss

But can never hear me

Having burnt out before my existence

I’m alone with these heavy thoughts

Pouring from my heavier heart

Why are my thoughts so scattered 

Like many dead leaves beneath

An old oak tree?

Even with a prescription I am lost

Even with routine I am hopeless

I look for love and I find lust

I look for love and see that it isn’t real

We are alone and only alone

There is no “other half” only an empty me

My mask is slipping and I still talk to the stars

How long can I hold it all together?

M.V

On The Electric Fence

I’m on edge

A gust of wind could knock me over

Send me to my death.

I bet I’d soar.

the wind would catch in my hair

and I’d glide through the sky

sunshine on my back.

But still

I’m so on edge

my teeth will crack under the strain of my smile.

I can run a mile on a whim.

I feel electric and beautiful today.

I want kisses and soft touches

I want. I want. I want.

I want one coherent thought.

I want my medicine to help me focus.

I could scream with all these thoughts

rushing through my mind at once.

I want to be normal.

-M.V