I can only write when I'm sad. It's really the only time that any feelings flow effortlessly. I am a mother, partner, sister, daughter. It doesn't always feel *real* though. I want to use this space to get the feelings out and to grow as a human. I want to see progress and feel like my old self again.
This picture was snapped and posted on IG this morning. I got to enjoy fancy coffee, yoga and spend time alone. The mug is a gift from a wonderful friend. An inside joke from an unsettling story, and it kind of hit me. I'm so different now. I'm mature?? I have an expensive planner, a Mac book, an apartment full of plants that are thriving.When did this happen? I look at my daughter and I feel a pang of guilt. She gets this version of me instead of the goofy way I was before. Would she even like that version of me? I think she would. She tells me I'm kind of serious. Ha! As if!
I want to be okay with not being ok. Leave the house with frizzy hair, not care that my nail polish is chipped. I want to be silly and fun again. In the business of growing up- I grew up. There is so much to be grateful for. I have everything I've ever wanted. I just didn't expect to leave that part of me behind. My fun, carefree, dorky, silver-line gazer self.
I have changed so much. From weight gain to growing my hair out. My clothes help me blend in with the PTO and people in my neighborhood. Holy cannoli. Who am I??
I need a place to share my thoughts and feelings and stop being afraid of everything . I’m going to be my best self. I’m going to unstick myself and figure it out. I have to start somewhere right?
M.V
Call me random and unorganized 